Friday, December 16, 2016

Rebuilding Herself

I apologize if I'd been away. It's just life, my life - it gets insanely busy especially this time of the year. I've had all these things coming at me all at once at work, at home and in almost every aspect of my life. I truly felt like the Little Engine that Could. I've lost sleep trying to make sure I'm keeping up with my To Do Lists both at work and at home. However, after our Company Holiday Party yesterday, it felt like the calm after a storm, you know. I survived another year. To add to all that madness, I've also been struggling with an array of mixed emotions since my son's visit last Thanksgiving. One of the many things I'm learning as my children are getting older is to shut-up. When they were little kids, I could simply put my foot down and say, "I'm the mom, that's why!" However, with my son going on 23 and having been out of our home for almost five years, I merely guide now, an advisor, most often I feel more like a spectator. It's truly scary to not be able to call the shots or to be able to steer them in the direction that I feel is best for them. I've had to constantly remind myself that I need to allow them to make their own decisions and their own mistakes. I'm pretty close to my kids and I'd like to think that I am aware of what goes on in their lives. At least those that they allow me to know. They talk to me about depression, Prop 64 and the complexities of youth. Although, sometimes I feel like my own kids don't realize that I too, was once young and that I also went through the same things they are going through as teenager and young adult. I remember the painful struggles of trying to figure life out, many bad decisions, being broke,  failed relationships and the many times I felt so broken I thought I would never be whole again. I remember sadness that won't go away and walking around with this emptiness that could only be temporarily tempered by pills, liquor or very short-lived relationships.  Yet, I'm still here. I learned over the years that the key ingredient to life is to simply survive. We survive many things every single day of our lives. Heck, I just survived another Company Holiday Party!!! And as I am ending this post, I survived another birthday. So, I hope that if there's one thing my kids would take from me, it's how to survive life and all of its unexpected challenges. 

This card was created using stamp sets from Unity Stamp Co. Well, I better post this before my birthday is over. Thank you for stopping by.


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