Rebuilding Herself

I apologize if I'd been away. It's just life, my life - it gets insanely busy especially this time of the year. I've had all these things coming at me all at once at work, at home and in almost every aspect of my life. I truly felt like the Little Engine that Could. I've lost sleep trying to make sure I'm keeping up with my To Do Lists both at work and at home. However, after our Company Holiday Party yesterday, it felt like the calm after a storm, you know. I survived another year. To add to all that madness, I've also been struggling with an array of mixed emotions since my son's visit last Thanksgiving. One of the many things I'm learning as my children are getting older is to shut-up. When they were little kids, I could simply put my foot down and say, "I'm the mom, that's why!" However, with my son going on 23 and having been out of our home for almost five years, I merely guide now, an advisor, most often I feel more like a spectator. It's truly scary to not be able to call the shots or to be able to steer them in the direction that I feel is best for them. I've had to constantly remind myself that I need to allow them to make their own decisions and their own mistakes. I'm pretty close to my kids and I'd like to think that I am aware of what goes on in their lives. At least those that they allow me to know. They talk to me about depression, Prop 64 and the complexities of youth. Although, sometimes I feel like my own kids don't realize that I too, was once young and that I also went through the same things they are going through as teenager and young adult. I remember the painful struggles of trying to figure life out, many bad decisions, being broke,  failed relationships and the many times I felt so broken I thought I would never be whole again. I remember sadness that won't go away and walking around with this emptiness that could only be temporarily tempered by pills, liquor or very short-lived relationships.  Yet, I'm still here. I learned over the years that the key ingredient to life is to simply survive. We survive many things every single day of our lives. Heck, I just survived another Company Holiday Party!!! And as I am ending this post, I survived another birthday. So, I hope that if there's one thing my kids would take from me, it's how to survive life and all of its unexpected challenges. 

This card was created using stamp sets from Unity Stamp Co. Well, I better post this before my birthday is over. Thank you for stopping by.

Life is Tough

Happy Monday, everyone! Let's hope for an amazing week! I really need it. So, I'm starting it by sharing with you this card that I created yesterday. I have been under a lot of stress at work lately so I have been doing a lot of watercoloring every chance I get. It's my very own version of meditation. The stamp I used is from Crafter's Companion Poppies and Daisies by Sheena Douglas and the sentiment is from Unity Stamps Co called Hello Love. Everything else is from Stampin' Up! Cherry Cobbler and Mossy Meadow card stocks and ink pads. The sequins are from the Holiday catalog Fancy Frost. I have been experimenting with different brands of water color paper and recently made the conclusion that so far the best is Arches Aquarelle 140 lb. It's really pricey, I got mine from our local Aaron Brothers store and a pad cost me $26.99 for only a dozen 9x12 pages. I used my 50% coupon, so it really helped. 

This card is for all of you who are struggling with any challenges be it illness or death of a loved one, financial crisis, your own health, family disputes, work issues, etc. Please remember that Life indeed is tough, but so are you. This too shall pass.

Mini Drawers & Cupboards

Thank goodness it's Friday, indeed! I've had such a busy week and I already predict May to be an even busier month. Anyway, I want to share a couple of mini drawers/cupboards that I was working on. They were quite time consuming to put together. I first adhered all the wood pieces together using wood glue. Let them dry, then painted with white acrylic gesso, let them dry, then painted them with acrylic paint. After they dried overnight, I measured and cut-up the designer papers, sponged around the edges using Soft Suede ink pad and glued them using Mod Podge. Lastly, I put Mod Podge all over to give them a sheen finish. Didn't I say time consuming? Yep, but I am very happy with the results. I think it was worth it.

This mini drawer is from SACrafters. I bought them when I went to the Scrapbook Expo last month. I checked out her online store, but she charges so much for shipping. I guess I'll just have to wait to go to another Scrapbook Expo, right?

I still don't know what I'm going to use this one with. Perhaps makeup or spools or ribbons. Who knows if I'll even use them. I might just display and admire them. Smile. 

I think this one will be perfect to put my OPI nail polish collection. I just love creating anything with paper! This DSP has been retired. I thought the gingham would be perfect for a county look.

This cupboard is from KaiserCrafts

Aren't they so cute? I want to make more. Well, that's all I have to share for today. Have a wonderful weekend, everybody! 

Milestones & Moments

Happy Friday, everyone! I want to share a card I made for my youngest sister's birthday. I used a stamp set called Milestones & Moments by Sheena Douglass. As soon as I saw this set, I knew I had to have it. It was really easy to watercolor and did not even take long to finish. I want a charming cottage exactly like this in the same quaint town. It reminds me of Hallmark movies, don't you think? 

Thank you for stopping by. Have a nice weekend. 

Life is a Ticket

I have not forgotten about my blog. I've just had a hectic start to 2013 and have not had much time to create anything to share. Between the holidays and family visits, it's been really busy...yet also wonderful. My nieces and nephew are getting much bigger and it brings me joy to be around them.

Around this time ten years ago, we were all in the Philippines. We celebrated the holidays there and had this amazing grand reunion with our relatives that we have not seen in a very long time. So much has happened since then. Children grew-up, babies were born and loved ones died, to name a few. In the grandiose scheme of life, ten years really does not seem like a lot, right? I used to not think much of years, but as I get older I am learning a much deeper perspective of time as they come at me in seconds, in minutes and in days.

I found myself at a fork in the road a few weeks ago. I have always been cursed with the inability to say no. I am the oldest, it's my job to please and make everybody happy. That's how I was raised. However, lately I have recognized the importance of redefining many things in my life, and that includes the phrase, "no, thank you". It was so foreign to me that I did not know what to do at first. I had to ask myself just one question: Will the gain be more valuable than how much it will cost me now? And again, with time being measured in nano seconds and not in years.

One of the best gifts of aging is wisdom. I know that now. What was once very important to me, no longer applies. As life changes, so do we...whether we like it or not. My resolution this year is only one, to enjoy and to take advantage of my one-time admission to the greatest show on earth called life. I hope that you will all join me in doing the same.

The sentiment Life is a Ticket to the Greatest Show on Earth is not Stampin' Up!

Card Recipe

Stamp Set(s): Postage Due (W 126395 C 126397, That's The Ticket (W 128072 C 128075), Feeling Sentimental (SAB 2013 January 22 to March 22, 2013)
Paper: Card stocks in Mellow Moss, Bravo Burgundy and Very Vanilla
Ink: Classic Stampin' pads in Mellow Moss, Bravo Burgundy, Soft Suede and Crumb Cake and More Mustard for distressing.
Accessories & tools: Big Shot Die Cutting Machine (113439), Stampin' Dimensionals (104430), Woodgrain Embossing Folder (127821), 5/8" Crochet Trim ribbon in Victoria, Ticket Duo Builder punch (126883), Sponge Daubers (102892).

Well, that is all I have for today, folks. Thank you for stopping by. Happy New Year to all of you!

Life is like Coffee

With the onset of my recent horrible migraine attacks, I have gotten more caffeinated than usual. I have been functioning fueled by coffee and caffeinated medication. So, I thought that I would share a perky and sassy card today. I apologize that the sentiment stamp on this one is non-SU. I saw it at a local craft store and I just had to have it. I got a little carried away with coloring, but I think in the end the colors all worked out.

Card Recipe

Stamp Set: Take a Sip Stampin' Round (120323) - standard handle (102971)
Paper: Card stocks in Midnight Muse, Cherry Cobbler, Bashful Blue and Whisper White
Ink: Basic Black  (126980) and Cherry Cobbler (126966) Classic Stampin' pads, Stampin' Write markers
Accessories & Tools: Big Shot Shot Die Cutting Machine (113439), Labels Collection Framelits (125598), Sponge Daubers (102892), Stampin' Dimensionals (104430), 3/8" Stitched Satin Ribbon in Midnight Muse (126847).

Well that is all for today's post, folks! I would like to share this short inspirational movie from flickspire about life and coffee. Please click it and enjoy. Thank you for stopping by.

Life is like Coffee Movie

The Heart Never Forgets

It was so hard to leave my mom in Alabama, knowing Russell is gone. Thank goodness for Bama, she's a dependable and loyal dog. Under the circumstances, it was very nice to return to the south after two decades. It seemed like nothing much has changed since we were there last, yet I know that I have changed. It was a very heavy and very sad feeling not finding Russell around in that big house, asking me if I wanted a drink or teasing me about not being a dog person. I regret that we didn't come to visit sooner. Oh well.

I want to share a few photos of my ten days in Alabama and a card that I made for my mom. I will begin with the food we ate. I completely forgot to take a photo of Milo's Sweet Tea. My sister and I drank that by the gallons. The stamp I used for the card is not from Stampin' Up! It's from Verses Rubber Stamps. They have really nice sentiment stamps. However, everything else from paper to ribbon are from Stampin' Up!

Sweet Corn Bread (even my executive chef of a sister said it was great)

BBQ Pulled Pork, Fried Green Tomatoes and Fried Okra

My parents'  home in Alabama

My parent's dog, Alabama aka "BAMA"

Each time we embrace a memory, we meet again with those we love...for the heart never forgets.  --- Flavia

Well, that's it for now. I hope to be able to create some thank you cards in the next few days. I can't believe another month has gone by. They had Christmas stuff in Hobby Lobby and it hit me that the holidays are fast approaching. Yikes! Thank you for stopping by. Come again soon!

Sweet Home Alabama

I recently lost one of my "Stars in the Sky". Cancer took our stepdad away from us six days ago. His name was Russell R. Johnson, he was only 68 years young. He was married to our mom for almost 25 years and he's been involved in our lives in all that time. He was around in almost all of our milestones and cheered us on all accomplishments, no matter how small. He walked my sister down the aisle when she got married. He was there when I graduated college and for the birth of my daughter. He was with us in many special occasions and always happy to share each and every one of them. We made him a proud dad and we were his family.

As we were going through the stacks of old photos a few nights ago, I was so touched to find so many pictures of my children with him; most especially my son's. He gave my son priceless childhood memories only a devoted grandfather could give him. He took my son fishing, camping, bowling and spent countless of hours hanging-out with him. They sincerely enjoyed each other's company. I must confess that I didn't fully appreciate his presence in my life until I witnessed how much he adored my son. I was already 18 when he came into my life, so I felt he was more my mother's husband than my dad. Having such teenage parents to begin with, my grandparents raised me and not having them in my life any longer is a void that at times cause me ache I cannot explain. So, I've always hoped for my children to grow up knowing what it's like to have grandparents who will love them and will want to spend time with them. I got that wish through my mom and Russell and since then I loved Russell more and more. My son is now 18 and will be starting college in a month. He was a well-rounded boy growing-up and evidently turning out to be a wonderful young man. I know in my heart that his grandpa had something to do with it and for that, I am eternally grateful.

I did not only lose a parent last July 22, 2012...my children lost a wonderful grandfather and I grieve more for them than for myself. Family does not mean being blood-related at all. Looking back now, perhaps the "step" in stepdad meant he stepped-in to our lives by choice which made it more of a gift than an obligation. Often, the people who stay in your life are the ones you least expect to. We've all heard it before that, "the best thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother." Russell loved our mom, they were partners in life and his absence will be felt by all of us immensely. As I cried with my mom while we said goodbye to our stepdad, I couldn't help imagine the pain and agony it must feel to lose someone you've been married to for 25 years... to lose a confidante and the friendship. Was it selfish of me that in the midst of my grief and sadness, I felt an overwhelming feeling of longing for my husband who's in California? I cannot wait to come home to his arms.

While I have been helping my mom sort out all the paperwork and important financial documents my stepdad left behind, I understood that no one can ever really be prepared for death. He knew he was ill for months and he did his best to put everything in order...he still ran out of time. Knowing him, I am sure he would have given anything for a little bit more time. He left behind many wonderful memories and friendships that will last. I am honored to say that my two younger sisters and I are his legacy and isn't that what life really is all about? In the end...the family one leaves behind and the difference one makes in other people's lives are the things that truly matter. He made a difference in our lives and we promise to always make him proud. Rest in Peace, dear Daddy Russell. I hope you knew how much you meant to me. Our hearts are broken because you are no longer here with us, but remembering all the good times and knowing you are no longer in pain give us strength and comfort. We will someday have a drink up in heaven.

BTW, I am typing this post in Alabama. It has been twenty years since we were last here. It's too bad that it has taken that long since we last visited. I have completely forgotten the hospitality and good-fellowship that can only be found in the south. Here, my sister and I, though in our early 40's...we are still referred to as girls, and it's not offensive at all. I find it sweet and endearing. We have not cooked for almost a week. Neighbors and friends came by nonstop to bring us food and to offer their condolences and to ask if there was anything they could do to help. Hugs are not optional. I have forgotten how much I loved the sweet tea here and I'm also surprised I don't have fried chicken coming out of my ears yet. Smile. It's such a beautiful town and the lands are abundant and green. It is so peaceful. I have not heard a fire truck, police car or ambulance drive by since Sunday. Oh well, I am sorry I don't have a card to share with you today. As soon as I get back to California I will have to make special thank you cards for everybody who supported our family during this difficult time. Tomorrow, we are going to Hobby Lobby and I am looking forward to it.

That's all for now...my sweet iced tea awaits.

Message to my Son

My dearest Son,
     You are eighteen years old today. It IS indeed a very special day. I know it's a cliche when we hear people say, "It seems just like yesterday..." It's true though, it seems not too long ago when I held this tiny baby boy in my arms with thick black hair and now you are by definition an adult. You make me so proud every single day. When I look at the young man that you've become it's awfully hard for me not to feel emotional. Eighteen years...it's a milestone for the both of us. It's bittersweet: watch you go out on your way to college while hoping that your dad and I did a good enough job in preparing you for the real world. As your mom, a part of me wishes that you could stay little and will always want me by your side. Then again, I believe it's every parent's hope and dream to see their children as independent, responsible and self-sufficient individuals. I hope all of those for you and more.

A few weeks ago, you asked me what I want for you and your sister to be when you grow up. Jokingly, I quickly replied, "I want you both to stay out of prison." You laughed and said, "Wow, you sure don't have high standards." But I do know that you know my heart and that all I've ever wanted is for you and your sister to do whatever brings you the most joy. Ever since you were six years old, all you've ever wanted to do was to dance. You did soccer and basketball, even got a black belt in Karate - but you always go back to your passion, dancing. You always tell me that you're happiest when you're choreographing, dancing or listening to music. You've known at a very young age what you wanted to be when you grow up and I envy you for that. 

I am indebted to your passion for dance, because it kept you out of trouble. Dance gave you the discipline to set goals and tools to achieve them. Dance gave you a sense of commitment and it kept your momentum. High School is rough, with pressures coming from other kids, teachers, authorities and the society as a whole; dance was your instrument. Dance kept you sane and focused in a world filled with chaos and stress. A week ago you told me that you wish you did more fun things in high school. You feel that you missed out on so many things/parties because you wanted to do well in school and maintain your GPA; that you spent most of your free time in Dance Club or with your dance crew. You feel a little bit cheated. Son, it doesn't seem like it now, but trust me that high school is only a blip in your lifetime and you have already performed wonderfully. Twenty years from now, you'd look back and not remember many faces or recall names, but you will always remember that you danced.

 Happy birthday, my dear son and please know that you and your sister are my greatest achievements in this lifetime. I am so very blessed. Thank you for giving me the world. May you always dance. I love you.
                                                                                                                           Mom xoxo

The stamp set I used on this card isn't from Stampin' Up! It's from Tim Holtz and I just had to have it because it summarized the message I want to convey to my son.

Paper: Very Vanilla, Soft Suede and Not Quite Navy card stocks.
Ink: Crumb Cake and Soft Suede.
Accessories: Antique Brads and Crochet Trim Chantilly Ribbon.

That's it for now. Thank you for stopping by.

Easter Sunday 2012

I remember Easter Sunday in the Philippines as a joyous celebration. At dawn of Easter Sunday, we used to go to church to join the "Salubong" (the meeting). There would be life size statues of the resurrected Christ and Virgin Mary in a procession to meet, usually outside in front of the church. It re-enacts the reunion of Jesus and Mary after the Resurrection. The statue of Virgin Mary would be wearing a black veil as a symbol or mourning for the death of her Son. A girl dressed as an angel sings and then slowly removes Mary's black veil to signify the end of Mary's grieving. I remember doves being freed into the air, choir singing, church bells ringing and fireworks, followed by the Easter mass. I have not celebrated Easter in the Philippines in over twenty years. Someday, I would like to bring my kids back home around that time so they can see and experience the stories I always tell them about. I would like them to see a little bit of my childhood.

I almost dialed the phone to call my grandma two days ago. I used to always phone her around Holy Week. It pinched my heart to remember she's no longer alive. Oh, how I miss the sound of her voice.  

I made this very simple Easter card last night which can also be used for Sympathy card, just change the sentiment. The stamp is not Stampin' Up! I am truly enjoying my short vacation at home. I have been making cards and broaches/pins. I even made a few hair clips using the new Summer Smooches fabric. I will share photos next week.

That's it for today. I have to start cooking, my sister and her family are coming over for lunch in a few hours so I better get started. Have a wonderful Easter, everyone! Please stop by again soon.

Stars in the Sky

Just like the stars in the sky, there are people who light up my world simply by being in it. Be they near or far...merely knowing they are out there makes me feel better; because I know they make the world a better place just by gracing us with their existence. I recently lost one of my "stars in the sky". I found out that a very dear friend passed away twenty days ago.

I don’t remember the exact date sometime in September 2004 when I received this phone call from a man who sounded like he was in a hurry. He told me his name as he refreshed my memory by saying I interviewed with his colleague two weeks prior while he was away on vacation. I shuffled all my paper work and said to him, “I’m so sorry I’ve just been to so many job interviews the past few weeks, I could have literally made a full-time job out of all of them.” He said, "Isn't that the truth?" I heard his honest laugh on the line and then asked me if I could come in for a second interview. Two days later I came back and met with this handsome older man who reminded me of Clark Gable. He was tall with a gorgeous smile and thick salt-peppered hair. He told me what the job and the company was all about. We chatted for a good half an hour. He offered me the job the following day.

I only worked with him for about a year and a half. He was not easy, he worked quickly and rarely asked for help. He was never idle and whenever anyone would come to him for questions he always had the answers. He did not dilly-dally. He liked to be left alone, but his door remained open at all times. He typed, copied and mailed his own paper work. He returned phone calls and on many occasions when we were pretty understaffed in the office, he answered the phone with a “Yeah?” If one made a mistake, he made it known and never hesitated to say, "Shape up or get out." He shopped, cooked and served his employees during  holiday parties. He was a simple man who did not require a lot of attention. He was low maintenance. He had a different way of doing things. He was headstrong and did not like rules much. He didn't believe in ulterior motives and sincere even when he was upset with you. What you see is what you get. He told me more than once, "If it ain't broke, don't fix it".  He and I butt heads more than twice. I’ve had my fair share of crying and wanting to walk out because I thought he was such a difficult person to work with. But I stayed because there were also many days when just seeing how hard he worked made me feel like perhaps I was not doing enough. Hearing his unaffected laugh was always a treat. He had this smile that was both charming and sincere.

I’d only been with the company a few months when I told him that I was bringing my father over from the Philippines. He quickly asked, “What can I do to help?” I told him I needed a letter stating that I have a stable job for the affidavit of support. He crafted this very nice letter for me in no time. He didn’t care about “at-will” he wrote that I was a permanent employee and that was that. Shortly after one of the assistant directors put in her notice, I asked him about the position and he flat out told me that I was not ready for it and that he did not think I would be happy in it. Again, full of sincerity and at that time I thought he was just being arrogant. What made him think I was not ready, right? I told him I could do it and I needed the financial gain. He gave me a couple important duties and then compensated me accordingly. Fast forward seven years, I smile thinking he was right. I would have not liked that position. There were a couple of times when I found out things were not being done correctly and he called me out on them. He thought I was overstepping my boundaries and doing things behind his back. I was frightened, but I showed him what I found out and the policy. I remember he asked me, “Are you absolutely sure?” I replied, “Yes!” He walked away, made some phone calls and sent out memos to rectify things.

He retired from the company sixteen months later. One day he came back to return the keys, he sat in my office to chat. He was in his casual wear and seemed so much more relaxed. I said to him, “I want to ask you a couple of questions since you aren’t my boss any longer and can’t fire me.” He chuckled because he knew I was teasing. I said to him, “First, why did you give me such a hard time and second, what made you hire me?” He smiled, sat back, put his hands behind his head and gave me this suspicious look. I was getting ready to tell him never mind, forget I even asked when he said, "I’m sorry if I was such an ass. I just had to see for myself what a strong asset to the company you were going to be and I know now that anyone would have to be an idiot to not want you on their team.” I almost choked, I did not expect that response, yet coming from him I knew he was being truthful. He continued by saying, "I didn't know what I was getting when I hired you. I always have a good feeling with people and I always hope they will not disappoint me. Sometimes it works out, sometimes not. You don't give yourself enough credit though, remember that you took as much of a chance when you accepted my job offer as I did when I offered it to you. Also, I always find it hard to dislike anyone who can make me laugh." We talked more about his retirement plans and about life. That moment was all it took for me to wish that I'd known him longer or had more time with him. We said our goodbyes with a hug and I told him I'd keep in touch. He smiled and winked at me as he walked away as if he was saying he'd totally understand if I didn't. So, I told him with more persistence, "No, I mean it! I will keep in touch!"

I kept my promise by sending him my handmade cards a few times a year on special occasions and holidays. I never once forgot his birthday the past seven years. Surprisingly, he also reciprocated with holiday cards and short notes about their travels and the projects he was working on. I received fourteen greeting cards from him. I didn't think much of our correspondence, until very recently when he passed on and I heard from his loving wife of 43 years. She wrote me a very nice letter stating how my handmade cards brightened his retirement years especially as he was battling with his illness. She wanted me to know that I was the only one from his pre-retirement life that has made any effort to keep in touch and that he truly appreciated it. Knowing this made me happy in a way that I was able to bring a little bit of joy to him; and sad wishing more people remembered him because he really touched so many lives. It made me realize that little acts of kindness don't ever go unnoticed. Once again I have proven that, "Some people walk into our lives and quickly go, others leave footprints on our heart and we are never the same". I talked to other people at work that knew him who shared their stories about this remarkable man. They remember his generosity and candor. They remember how he loved his employees and his willingness to give more than he took. Someone who worked with him for years said when this amazing man looked at people he always saw potential and not dollar signs. That right there epitomized the legacy that he left behind. It's truly not how long you stay in a place, it's about the difference you made in people's lives while you're there, and when you go...is that place better for your having been there? Rest in Peace, my sweet friend...until we meet again.

Unfortunately the stamp I used on this card is not from Stampin' Up! I thought it's absolutely appropriate to send to the family of my beloved friend. My world is a little dimmer because he's no longer in it, but knowing he's up there among the stars reminds me that it's indeed not the length of life but the depth of.

That's it for now. I encourage all of you to connect to the people you care about. Don't postpone letting them know how much they mean to you. You'll never know if it'll be your last chance to. Keep in touch and do so no matter how busy life gets. Before I end this post, I would like to leave you with a simple but profound question: "What will you be remembered for?