Sunday, December 9, 2012

Feeling the Blues

I apologize that I have been absent. I have been feeling down and discouraged lately, so I decided to stay away to protect the very few followers that I have from my ranting. Have you ever felt like had it been for your responsibilities you wouldn't think twice about running for the hills? Sometimes I wish I were irresponsible. I would like to blame the recent storms here in Northern California for the cause of my gloom, but I know better.

Oh well, this weekend my daughter went to her very first sleepover party at a friend's house. She was so excited and in a way, her excitement cheered me up. You see, I had my daughter when I was thirty years old. I was working for the Dept. of Revenue in Alaska at that time. I loved my job and I really liked the people I worked with. I have always been very driven and ambitious, so it was my goal to one day be promoted to a supervisory position. However, after my daughter was born my priorities shifted. I no longer crave for the hustle and bustle in the office. I lost my competitive edge without my knowledge. It only took me four months of dropping her off to daycare on my way to work before I made the decision to resign to be able to stay home with my baby. When I told my boss about this, she offered me a part-time position, which was very kind of her...but I respectfully declined. I knew that my heart was no longer in my job and that it would be dishonest of me to receive compensation when all I could think of was stay home with my daughter. Not to mention it would be unfair to the people I worked with who'd be picking-up the slack just to accommodate my schedule. It was easy once I recognized what was most important to me at that time. After all, I waited almost seven years and two surgeries for my daughter. Even so, my resignation was unplanned and my husband and I had to really sit down and do the math on how we could financially manage. In the end we worked it out and I raised my daughter for 3 1/2 years; until at such time when she was ready to go to pre-school and I was more than ready to return to work. Fast forward almost twelve years, I have not the slightest regret. It was one of the best decisions I have ever made in my life. I would not even classify that as giving-up a career when I gained the most by being present in my daughter's world every single day during her early years. I will always have the memories until the end of my days.

I am writing about this because life indeed is a series of never-ending choices. My personal opinion is that, choices are there to constantly remind us that we cannot have everything. For me, it was very humbling to realize that I couldn't be both a kick-ass Tax Collector and be full-time stay-at-home mom. Something had to give. Some choices are so mundane and trivial and then there are some that are fundamental for us to get to where we are destined to be. It's unnerving at first because we don't know what's next. It's unfamiliar and scary to not know what to expect. But change is sometimes good, it stimulates our otherwise hibernating need for self-preservation. It's only frightening when we are in the midst of change. Eventually, everything will fall into place and then the new will once again become old.

Card Recipe

Stamp Set(s): Scentsational Season (Wood 121026 Clear 121190), Word Play (Wood 120308 Clear 120651)
Paper: Card stocks in Raspberry Ripple, Soft Suede, Gumball Green, Midnight Muse and Whisper White
Ink: Classic Stampin pads in Gumball Green (126861) and Raspberry Ripple (126859), Stampin Write marker in Gumball Green
Accessories & tools: Big Shot Die Cutting Machine (113439), Holiday Collection Framelits Dies (127814), Argyle Embossing folder (127750), Decorative Label Punch (120907), Extra Large Oval Punch (119859), 3/16" Corner Rounder (119871), Cherry Cobbler Baker's Twine (123125), Heat Tool (129053), Scented Stampin' Emboss Powder in Peppermint Sticks (127830), Stampin' Dimensionals (104430)

Well, that is all for now. Have a wonderful week, everyone. Thank you for stopping by.


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