Last Friday was the grand reunion of my high school senior class in the Philippines. It has been twenty-five years since I walked-out of Saint Paul's School and I have not been back since. I would like to say that my biggest excuse is that we left the Philippines for United States only a couple of years later. Surely I have been back home several times, but I remained invisible except to those few people I wanted to hold-on to after all these many years. High school is indeed a lifetime ago and my memory has been made dull by becoming an adult. I don't remember many things or perhaps I don't wish to. Memory as I found out is a collection of things and events the person deems important. I remember the boy who opened the door of the service/bus for me my first day of school. He became my husband. I remember meeting my best friend under the acacia tree. I remember hanging-out with Miscen, Judy, Ochie, Catherine and Annie in the cafeteria eating bland spaghetti with banana ketchup and hotdogs and drinking bottled Sarsi. I remember giggling with them when our crushes walked by. I remember listening to Menudo (the band - not the dish) in the Sony walkman my dad sent me from Saudi Arabia. I remember many things, the important ones I wanted to carry with me in this lifetime. The journey to Adult Land is a treacherous climb and I've been told that traveling light is the way to go.
You see, I neither hated high school nor loved it. I neither look back with fond memories nor bitterness. I simply don't understand it, I never did. Now that I have lived my life twenty-five years away from it, I do not see the point to go back. I am not the same person I was back then. Not by a long shot! Actually, when I look back at the foolish things I did or the fools I gave my heart to, it's as if I am remembering someone else. I see myself as a third person and I'd sigh thinking..."
she was a mess."
She sure was, and most of the kids made sure she did not forget what a basket case she was. They talked crap and spread horrible rumors about her. They made fun of her and excluded her as if she had the plague. She sure was famous. She was expected not to amount to anything. Absolutely nothing, that's how unforgettable she was. Sure, it was only four years - those four years helped me become the person I am today. I did not allow high school to decide the kind of life I was going to have. It might have scarred me some, but it has also fueled me to always do better and to constantly look forward. I don't care what continent, high school is brutal no matter where or what language is spoken. Many kids don't get out of high school alive or sane, for that matter. Every single sh_t that happens in your life in high school is intense. You are judged every day by kids and teachers who know absolutely nothing about you. I know, I remember wanting to get run over by a bus just because of a boy or because the popular girls rejected me. Auggh! The rumors are real even when they are not. There is no justice. After awhile, one will just give in to the gossip and let it run its course. There is no defense. It's futile to even try. The "plastics" and the "jocks" get the adoration as if they will forever reign. It took me years to learn that they usually don't. They've mostly peaked in high school and the light goes out as soon as they step-out of the gates. See? I am not bitter! Haha.
I will not say/write anything final or something I will end up retracting later on, but I still don't understand high school and for the love of God, please someone explain to me the inexorable purpose of a high school reunion. Should I feel guilty that I have not the slightest desire to go? Actually, I did try to connect a few years back via Facebook. However, it did not take me long to find out that not much has really changed with the people who lynched me back then. They still found a way to put me down only this time via the internet. So, to make this babbling short, I tried and made an effort. It's better to stay guarded and away. Does it make me a horrible person because I don't want to have anything to do with that period of my life anymore? I am writing this without any disrespect to those people I went to school with...it's just how I feel at this point in my life. I did not turn out to be a recluse or a snob. I am not hiding from the past. It's not so much that I don't want to see the people I went to high school with, it's actually the opposite. I don't want to be seen just so people could surprisingly say,
"she turned-out just fine after all". She does not need to redeem her fifteen year old reputation.
I simply feel connecting now as unnecessary, irrelevant even. I've heard how fun high school reunions are. I was told everyone has grown and calmed down. You think? It's been twenty-five years. I sincerely hope everyone has grown by now. This is one of the reasons why I don't wish to go back, it's because I grew-up. I am good and have put everything behind me. If anything, shouldn't there be an Elementary/Grade School Reunion? I'd want to see the kids I played with and the ones I sat next to in class. As for my High School, I wish it can be sort of like a
One Night Stand thing - no strings attached, no questions asked, no guilt involved. I don't regret it, don't wish to forget it, but for the love of everything pure and holy, I sure don't want to ever relive it - in whatever way, shape or form.
Oh well enough of that, I would like to share this card I made sort of as my way of saying hello to those people I met during my old life. It was wonderful to have met you.
Card Recipe
Stamp Set(s): Flores Suaves and Elementary Elegance
Paper: Crumb Cake, Basic Black, Daffodil Delight and Whisper White card stocks
Inks: Basic Black in Classic Stampin' pad and Craft, Daffodil Delight, Crumb Cake
Accessories: Embossing Folder in Houndstooth (123134), Scallop Trim Border punch (118402), Sponges,
Irridescent Ice Embossing powder (101930), Stampin' Dimensionals (104430) Stampin Write in Daffodil Delight, Paper snips (103579)
Well, that's it for now. We had our Feminine SAS yesterday. It was so much fun. I just love creating and sharing what I know. We made broaches/pins and hair clips using the Flirtatious fabric, the Big Shot and Fun Flowers Bigz die.
Thanks for stopping by. If you've been to your high school reunion, please share your experience with me. See you next time!
